Articles on Life and Business Coaching, Wellington, Hutt Valley

These are the most recent in an ongoing series of articles on life, and life and business coaching. If you would like to read more, check out my latest eBook by clicking here.

BREAK THROUGH MOMENTS

SO how do you intentionally make an important change in your life, one that you know without a doubt will be a breakthrough moment?

The first step is to develop a supportive psychology. Our physiology affects our psychology. For example, if we are in a weak or slumped physical state then we won’t see opportunities or possibilities like we would if we were in an energised and strong state. Movement is key here. This is so important if anything we do is 80% psychology and 20% action. Where energy flows focus goes!

The second step is to identify what might hold us back. This could be a limiting story or belief such as “I have tried before and failed why while this time be any different”, ” I have been told I will not amount to anything” or I am not good enough.” Once Identified you need to replace this story or belief with one that serves you.

The third step is to find the right strategy. Often times success leaves clues so modelling what someone else has done can save you time and help avoid obstacles or you may choose to engage a coach or mentor to keep you accountable. You may need to learn a new skill.

Finally taking action is essential. If you fail to act, then you plan to fail. Do something now not later. Even something small will create momentum. You don’t have to burn all your bridges at once but if you do decide to do that you will save time.

TIMES ARE A CHANGING

This article is a follow up of sorts to my article on “Trigger Points”.

As I see it life has an inbuilt imperative for growth. At a civilization level many centuries of growth are called evolution. This growth is usually preceded by some form of societal revolution which can be either gradual or fast depending upon the fertility of the ground for change.

In personal terms growth also is usually preceded by either a gradual process of intentional or unintentional change or as a result of some external pressure/tigger points.

One of the interesting things about any change at any level is that there will inevitably be a certain level of opposition towards it. It is almost as if this is a necessary ingredient of the whole process. Like when an ironworker has to stoke the furnace to reach a certain temperature to achieve the point where metal becomes fluid so it can be shaped to a desired outcome. It seems that the forces of “heat or pressure” are also needed to mould the shift from the status quo to something different.

At a personal level we will have all at some time experienced opposition either internally or externally to new decisions that have had the effect of moving us out of the status quo and our comfort zones.

Our decisions are often precipitated by self-doubt and fear. These elements can percolate for some time in our mental deliberations but eventually we tend to reach a point where we can either accept change as inevitable and move with it or we just can’t overcome our fears and doubts�and retreat back to what is known and what feels safe and comfortable.

So, what is the real catalyst for personal change? Again, I come back to the idea of pressure. If you have reached a point in your life where not to change is totally unacceptable because what you are currently experiencing is too painful or uncomfortable then you motivation or reason WHY is stronger than your fear and doubt, then your decision will already have been made. This is where the metal has reached melting point.

At other points in your life the pressure can be equalised and your decisions become harder. The metal is hot but not hot enough to be moulded. Not changing may not result in any immediately painful experiences and the fear of change weighs heavier.

So, you remain stuck in indecisiveness which in the long term can have bigger negative impacts than the imagined ones that are keeping you from moving forward right now.

One of the biggest influences on our decision making and personal growth is our fear of losing the financial security we have worked so hard and long for, security for ourselves and our families. Many of our decisions can have long term impacts on our ability to support ourselves and those we love. The fear that we may lose the ability to provide that support because we doubt our ability to succeed can kill a dream before it even takes hold.

The question then is how real is that fear? That fear is purely a projected illusion of what could happen in the future. It is not real in the present moment yet out thinking makes it seem real. So real you can almost taste and feel it. This shows us the powerful link between our thoughts and our emotions, and it is our emotions that provide the fuel for our decisions.

If we want to embrace change and to live to our true potential, then we need to become aware of our thoughts around that proposed change. Those thoughts need to be examined and tested.

The practical exercise of making a list of pros and cons is a good place to start. Also, the following questions can provide greater clarity: What opportunities are available to you if you make the change? How real are your fears and doubts? What skills and tools do you need and who could you consult who has been where you are? How close to the wharf does your boat need to be before you are prepared to jump ship? What is the worst-case scenario? What is the best-case scenario? Is there a way to build a bridge and transition rather than jump? These are just some of the useful questions to ask.

Of course, we can carry out these exercises and still be no closer to being able to make a decision. Why? Because our entrenched beliefs at a subconscious level act as an anchor keeping us moored in place to continually be buffeted by the winds of change.

What we believe is possible or not possible will determine our results in life. If we believe we can, we will and if we believe we can’t, we won’t.

It’s really as simple as that.

THE JOURNEY

You will have often heard the saying “It’s more about the journey than the destination”.

In most of our lives we experience twists and turns, the expected and the unexpected.

We make many intentional decisions expecting certain results and getting them or ending up with something else. We delay decisions and life has a habit of making them for us.

Certainly, in our intentional decision making we have a good idea of what results we want to achieve. There is a process however from the point of a decision to the end result and that process invariably never follows a straight line. There will be challenges and obstacles that we will not have expected we have to overcome.

It is fair to say that it is these challenges and obstacles that provide us with essential life lessons which facilitate the growth of our fortitude and skillset. They also give us a bigger perspective on what makes us tick as people and what life is all about.

When we reach our destination whatever that looks like, we can either feel excited, happy, contented or disappointed, disillusioned and depressed depending on whether the result has met or not met our expectations. In short, the result is never guaranteed.

Take professional athletes for example. They train obsessively for many hours every day getting up early and putting in the hard yards before most of us are out of bed. Their goal is to compete at the highest level on the world stage and the win at competitions such as World Championships or at the Olympics.

During the process of preparation, they have to deal with challenges such as injuries, mental blocks, financial burdens and selection challenges. They could do all the work needed and still end up not being selected or having to pull out due to injury.

So, what gets these athletes to persist through the physical, time and other demands to train obsessively every day when there is never a guarantee they will even reach their destination? Sure, the lure of the potential chance of success and acclaim on the world stage are a big driver but still there is at least a 50/50 chance they will not make it.

Perhaps their journey into the unknown is also part of the driver for them. Perhaps the single-minded pursuit of their particular sport and the development of their fitness and skill is also an integral component of their decision making. For sure when the going gets tough the shine of an Olympic gold medal can help to pull them through even the biggest challenges but is that the biggest driver for them.

Let’s consider a musician writing and performing their own songs. Their objective maybe to write, perform and record their original material and produce a record or cd or to just have their music streamed on Spotify. However, in the process of pursuing that objective they also get to express their innate talent, develop and hone their musical chops, learn to be more creative, and develop their performance, arrangement and production skills.

It is also possible that due to either internal or external factors they never complete their project, or they could achieve much more than they expected and win prestigious acclaim for their music.

The results in either case of the athlete and musician seem to be entirely in “the lap of the Gods” so to speak. Yet there is one predictable and guaranteed result of their efforts to follow their dreams. That is, they will never be the person they were at the start of the journey.

Is the prize therefore more than the end result but more who we become on the journey as growth happens regardless of whether we succeed or don’t succeed. I believe that it is because even when success is achieved the feeling of exhilaration quickly wears off and is soon replaced with the need to start another trip.

Sit back and enjoy the journey we call life and all that it offers you.

TRIGGER POINTS

The observation I would make about what gets people to make important changes in their lives is that things have to reach a pressure point (“trigger point”) before there is enough leverage to spark the change.

So why can’t we often get on the front foot and be proactive with the change that we know would greatly benefit us and instead leave things until it is almost too late to do anything about them. The answer I would suggest is that the pleasure we know we will experience in making change is not as strong as the fear of being hurt or feeling pain if we go against what we believe is true.

We have ingrained into us limiting beliefs that no longer serve us which are so rigid we hang on to them for grim death (sometimes it can end up like that literally).

Hopefully before that happens, we get a big enough wakeup call that the fear of the consequences not changing outweighs the fear of moving away from our limited version of truth. For example, a visit to your doctor’s office brings some unexpected bad news – the tests reveal you have the beginnings of lung cancer! So, you are faced with a choice – to keep smoking and almost certainly become very ill and possibly die or to give up smoking and at least with treatment have the possibility of being in remission after time. It may be that you had tried over many years to give up smoking and had tried many options to help with that, but it never stuck.

It is most likely that now after the doctor’s news, you will go “cold turkey” and stop smoking immediately. Why now?

Well, the fear of death is far bigger than the fear that if you give up you will feel stressed and anxious again, you will lose your confidence, that you have tried before and failed, you will lose friends who also smoke, or whatever other beliefs have kept you smoking all those years notwithstanding attempts to give up.

You have at last reached your “Trigger Point”.

So many of our ingrained beliefs which have often been there from childhood disempower us and stop us from achieving our true potential. We do not know that we are not in charge of own ship and that someone or something else has control over the rudder.

We do not realise that the reason we overeat and struggle to lose weight is because of something that happened to us when we were small children. We are not aware that historic trauma leads us to self-sabotage and prevents us from experiencing long-term fulfilling relationships. We are not aware that feelings of not being good enough to our parents have created perfectionist tendencies and result in procrastination and the list goes on.

For many of us our lives are lived on autopilot, and we are guided by default settings which may have been useful to us at some point in our life but are no longer. It’s like trying to navigate around town using an out-of-date map. You just end up either going round in circles or never reaching your destination.

Fortunately, we do not have to have a gunfight to change our programming in advance of reaching our trigger points.

The simple act of attributing greater pain to hanging on to our limiting beliefs will help us shift to more empowering ones which will support us in making those decisions we need to make to ensure we reach our goals and achieve our full potential.

Self-awareness is crucial. An unexamined life produces unremarkable results. Looking inwards is strength. Being vulnerable is strength. Being prepared to change before life forces change on you is strength. How strong to you feel?

Would you rather wait it out until the gunfight at the “Am I Okay Coral” or get on your horse now and head off towards a bigger and brighter future? Your choice or someone else’s?

SUCCESS PRINCIPLES

Principle One – Audit your Inner Circle. Waiting for others to give you the thumbs up for what you want to do will slow you or even stop you from doing what you need to do. Instead, just be you and do it. Don’t expect others to be able to see through your prescription lenses. Your dream is your dream and not anyone else’s.

Principle Two – Solve Bigger Problems. The levels of stress you experience with small problems is about the same you experience with bigger problems. Look to getting better at solving bigger problems.

Principle Three– It’s all on you. No none is coming to save you. Even when times are tough people still succeed and prosper. It’s up to you and what you choose to do.

Principle Four– Who is steering your ship. Are you the captain of your ship or has someone or something else got control of the rudder? Are things that have happened in the past preventing you from living a full life. Is it past regret, guilt or feeling not good enough keeping you looking in the rear-view mirror instead of ahead?

Principle Five – Meet every day with the intention of being the best version of yourself. Results will follow.

Principle Six – Be bold. Take uncomfortable action and extend the threshold of your comfort zone. Tackle things you have been avoiding.

Principle Seven – Focus on the solution instead of on what happened and who is to blame. Focussing on the problem will only make it seem bigger and will create negative energy. You will not find a solution in a negative mindset. Learn from what happened and move forward with positive energy.

Principle Eight – Look for little shifts. Small hinges swing big doors. What could you do on a daily and weekly basis to move you closer to what you want? Start your day with an empowering routine. Take a new weekly course or training.

Principle Nine – Persist until you succeed. Keep moving beyond challenges and setbacks. Even if you fall over pick yourself up and dust yourself off and learn what went wrong and do it differently next time. Success could just be around the next corner. If you give up prematurely life will go back to what it was previously and that did not make you happy or you would not have attempted change.

Principle Ten – Who not the how. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Find someone who has already done what you want to do and model what they have done. This will save you time and help you avoid pitfalls.

PAIN AND PLEASURE

Two of the most powerful influences on whether we make the right or any decisions at all will depend upon two things – pain or pleasure and the weight we attribute to each.

If we are for example thinking about a major change such as resigning from a job to start a new business, then the idea of being our own boss and in control of our destiny will be the pleasure pull for this decision, yet this will be tempered by the fear of the unknown and the fear of failure and the pain that may cause us.

Moving out of our usual comfort zone into the threshold of change will be a challenge for many of us particularly if we have spent a long time in it.

Sometimes fear will stop us in our tracks and even if we are not happy where we are we may choose to stay put and tolerate less than we know we deserve. In that situation we can remain stuck until life gives us another shove in the direction of change.

Life is all about growth. We can either embrace growth and consciously make decisions about our future or be dragged kicking and screaming into it once our trigger points have been reached and we can tolerate the status quo no longer.

The old adage “feel the fear and do it anyway” encourages us to be scared but to still make decisions for our best future in 2025. The biggest and best fruit are always at the top of the tree. It will be worth the climb in the long term.

Sure, it may not be smooth sailing, there may indeed be some pain. What doesn’t kill us can makes us stronger. Lessons are learned and we can pick ourselves up and keep on climbing and even though the fruit at the top of the tree may not be exactly as we had envisioned; it will taste even sweeter.

Embrace the new year with renewed energy and decide for yourself what your best future will look like. As always, we are here to support you on your journey.

A NEW YEAR

Well, it’s that time of year again. The end of one year and the start of a new one.

A new year does not always mean a new you or anything different from previous years. We can face the same obstacles, excuses and distractions as previous years. They don’t magically disappear at the strike of 12pm New Years Eve!

This time should not be about resolutions you will forget by February. It should be about a decision of some kind. This decision should be about not waiting to chase your dreams. It should be about doing something right now no matter how small or big. Just start. You don’t need to have all the answers now. You can figure it out. Trial and error are ok as you learn more from your failures than your successes.

Once you decide to do something you will notice opportunities cropping up that support your decision.

So, as you welcome in the New Year what’s one thing you can decide to do and act on now so you can become the person you want to be and to do the things you want.

WHEN WE MEAN TO BUT DON’T DO

The race has started to get all those last-minute things done we have been meaning to do before the end of the year! This seems to happen this time every year.

What would it be like if we didn’t have to run around like headless chickens trying to cram all that stuff in, we meant to do this year before the clock hits 12 on 31 December.

It would certainly make life less stressful! We might even get more done perhaps.

Most of the things we try to get done at this time of year are things we had been meaning to do during the year. When we mean or intend to do something it usually means it’s been on the list, but we never got round to it.

Converting those “meaning to’s” into reality requires planning, preparation and time specific action. However, when we boil down where we spend most of our time it will likely be working to survive in a job.

Unless we force ourselves to take time out of the rat race to focus on ourselves and what we want from life much of what we want for ourselves will never happen. Our lives slip by quickly. Nobody wants to have regrets at the end.

Committing to a coaching programme is your opportunity to convert those “”meaning to’s” into “done and dusted’s”. There is value in making a commitment to yourself and your dreams for a better life. All you need is a desire to do things differently than you have always done. Your comfort zone is not your friend. Life really begins outside this zone. It may not be easy. It will require courage, but it will be worth it.

BUSINESS SUCCESS

If you are in business and want to make 2025 the best year you have ever had then you will need to examine:

Your Mindset: if you believe you can – you will and if you believe you can’t – you won’t. This is often the most neglected part of business. We bring ourselves into everything we do. Are we holding ourselves back?

Your Marketing: this is the oxygen for your business. It influences, persuades and is a service. How can you make that more effective and reach more potential customers?

Creating Momentum: how do you make your success sustainable? Remember small hinges swing big doors! Small consistent progress will help you go the distance.

Our business coaching courses can help you to take the time out from your busy days to focus on yourself and your business direction. It also provides accountability for making sure you do what you say you are going to do.

PURPOSE

What guides our lives is our purpose. This is something that keeps us on a mission even if we are unsure where we are heading. It’s easy to forget to live on purpose when we get caught up in our daily lives. We can get stuck in our jobs and daily routines and our purposes gets put to one side. Yet we have that nagging feeling that there must be more to life than the 9 to 5 drudge!

Deep down we know that we are meant for more. When we ignore that feeling and continue to live life out of alignment with our purpose, we can feel lacking in energy, it can affect our relationships and drain our joy of life.

So, what’s your purpose? What do you want to spend time on every day? When do you want to move from making a living to making a life worth living?

Our coaching programmes can help you to get clarity on your purpose.

IN TIME

As humans we have always been fascinated with the idea of time. There is the practical aspect of time such as how many hours there are in the day and what you can fit into those hours. Then there are the ideas of past and future time. It has been said that time is illusory because the only time we have is right now and that what happened in the past stays there and what may happen in the future has not yet happened. However, we can run into problems when we bring past or future time into our present time. The former can bring guilt, shame, and grief and the latter fear, worry and stress. If we spend much of our present time occupied with past or future time, we can miss out on life right now and the opportunities it brings with it.

REGRET IS HEAVY

Imagine you are 98 years old and about to die and you have regrets about not living to your full potential. What could you do today to avoid having those regrets?

The truth is you already know what those regrets will be so why not do something today to solve those. We can have so many “I should of” moments in life. Why not make the decision today to change at least one of those moments into an I will moment? Make a plan to avoid your regret

How would that change your life for the better?

THE FEEDBACK LOOP

“Sow a thought, reap an action, sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit reap a character, sow a character reap a destiny”
Anonymous

THE LOOP

Events + data (information) = truth (meaning) + thoughts + emotions + actions = results which produce events:

No result (event) can occur without some form of action being taken.

No action can be taken without an emotional driver.
Most emotions are generated by a prior thought (NB body/chemical impacts).
Many of our thoughts comprise unconscious thinking patterns that have been generated as a consequence of what we believe about life (our filter of perspective or personal truths).
Our personal truths are the unique meanings we have attributed to what we have experienced in life so far (events).
Poor information in = poor results

AUTHENTICITY

Authenticity is knowing who you are and being brave enough to live it.

What is authenticity and what does to be authentic mean?

Words and labels are only guides, however for me being authentic means living my truth. It’s making choices about who I want to be and what I want to do with my life at any given moment.

When you engage in coaching you will learn that many of the decisions, you had made and continue to make in life have been influenced by beliefs, patterns, and habits which were ingrained into you at a very early age.

If that is the case, then who or what is steering your ship as you sail through your life’s journey. Coaching will give you clarity on this and help you to grab back control of the wheel of your ship and to chart a new authentic course for your future.

Interested? Click here if you would like to know what coaching can do for you.